I was recently helping my Mom , who is 80yo to get dressed. She held up her arms and said “ look at these fat arms “ or she will comment on her belly.
It made me so teary, that she still felt this way. As a nurse, I would hear similar things from my elderly patients as well.
In Mom’s case , I remind her that those arms held 4 children , 6 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren . I reminder her that those arms prepared countless delicious meals for her family. I reminder her that those arms hugged, carried and cared for countless patients during her years as a nurse . I have 2 daughters myself. I tried to instill in them what you mentioned above . It’s so very hard to do when they are surrounded by social media and a society that places so much value on your looks, possessions and stature.
Thank you for sharing such an important story!! ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with me. I spend a lot of time with my 89 year old grandmother and it breaks my heart because she does the same thing, constantly talking about her flaws (and her flabby arms!). I really, really love how you reminded your own mom that those arms have held her beautiful grandchildren for years. And you are so right, how hard it is think differently in a culture that places SO MUCH VALUE on physical appearance. Thank you so much for being here!!! 🩷🩷🩷
I love that you’re talking about this. Being a woman is so hard. Makes me think of one of my favorite Anne Lamott quotes:
“Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn't go swimming in those warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen.”
Sam, that quote 😭😭😭 It gave me chills. Thank you for sharing that!!!!! And thank you so much for being here and your kind words of encouragement. I am blown away by the support and stories in the comments and wow, it is always such an incredible feeling knowing that I am not alone in this. 🩷
This whole thing was so familiar for me. Except I had great body image role models. My mom didn’t cover herself up or start getting uncomfortable with her body until I was much older. We moved our bodies, ate mostly what we wanted and didn’t feel guilty about food. For me it started about the same time but only because I noticed that I couldn’t fit into the same kinds of clothes my peers fit into, the same swimsuits. I’ve hated my body for as long as I can remember, even when it was healthy and strong. That being said, I made extra efforts to NOT carry that over to my kids. Daughters. So I forced myself to be in the pictures, don the things, wear the swimsuits, talk about food in a healthy way (no food is inherently bad). It hasn’t been perfect but I’d say I’ve succeeded… for them at least.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. 🩷 It sounds like you have done such an amazing job breaking the cycle with your own kids, and that is something to be so, so proud of. I especially love that you talk about food in a healthy way, I think that is so important!! Thank you so much for being here friend 🩷🩷
Yep, this article resonates with me & my struggle to love my body. I am also that "60-70 year old woman" you mentioned, coming to you at 66. I also have a daughter, who is 33. I was probably about 8, or younger when my mother & older sister started making comments about me needing to lose some weight. I can still hear my mother commenting on how "trim" my sister looked ( she was 8 years older than me). They worked in tandem to make deals with me to lose weight - buy me something I wanted . . . It didn't work. I wasn't obese, I was "solid" - I was also terribly lonely, being the youngest in the family of 4 kids. So, even when I did lose weight around the time my sister got married & I was 14, my body image was totally fucked up. That image has always been in the back of my mind - that unattractive, fat little sister. I've watched my daughter struggle with the same issues. Even though we were always positive at home & supportive of her, after graduating from HS, she started to struggle with her weight. My mother-in-law didn't help with her comments about other women in the family who had gotten "SO heavy" - somehow the fact that she weighed in at well over 225 lbs didn't seem to be an issue. I stuck up for my daughter & often tried to turn the conversation away from weight " Do you realize how hurtful your comments are?" Only to have it come up again the next time we were together! 🤦♀️ So yeah, I'm 66, menopause has hit hard & the lumpy body that I navigate life with still follows me around. I recently retired from a successful 41 year career as an elementary teacher, I played "Miss Hannigan" in a local community theater production of Annie has fall, my friends call me "BFC" (Betty Fuckin Crocker), I'm strong, creative, & outgoing. But that's not what I see when I look in the mirror - I see the number on the scale & a body that has never had a defined waist. It's a terrible weight to carry through life.
Oh friend, thank you so much for sharing and trusting me with this. 🤍 My heart breaks for you and the comments that you had to hear as an 8 year that you did not deserve and should not have had to hear. 💔 But my heart filled with so much joy when at the end of your comment you started listing all of the incredible things you have accomplished, all of your amazing qualities, and who you are apart from the reflection in the mirror. That is a beautiful thing!!!!! I'm sending you so much love, you are not alone. 🩷
the thing that helped me actually start breaking this off was dancing in front of the mirror. not sexy. like all out, be a kid, no one is watching, silly faces. and shaking my ass! it helped break me out of that npc feeling of “my brain knows better but my body is still living in the hell that is society”. smile at yourself in the mirror too. please, if you try this. report back!
Krissy I love this idea so much!!! I will definitely try and let you know how it goes. 🥹 It's funny how so much of my healing journey has centered around finding that little girl inside of me and honoring her and doing all of the things she would have done. 🩷
Thank you for this. It has given me the push to write my story about this - but in a different vein.
Yesterday, I had to go clothes shopping for clothes appropriate for an interview. I haven’t purchased clothes in a physical store since 2020. I dreaded going but knew I had to.
With all the stress and surgeries I have had over the past few years I have gained a lot of weight. Oh, and I went through menopause too, after dealing with PCOS for decades. My hormones have been in upheaval and my body thinks it is doing me a favor by storing fat.
Plus size clothing is hard to come by in my small town. I went to three stores and didn’t find anything for an interview. I am in between a 1x and a 2x and lord help me, I wanted to cry. I finally gave up after finding a few pieces I can wear this summer around the house but still nothing for an interview (that is on Friday).
About six years ago, shortly after buying my last haul of clothing, I realized why I carry this extra weight. It blindsided me and I cried. I was ashamed to think that I allowed circumstance to control my body.
I now feel like I can write about it in full detail. Thanks for the unspoken encouragement. It is time I start to let go of the unnecessary protection I have been carrying for so long.
Oh Corrie Ann, thank you for sharing this with me. I am so, so sorry for all of the stress and the impossibly hard things you have had to face. I am honored that my article gave you the courage to write about what happened to you. I wish I could take you out for coffee and give you a big hug and tell you you are beautiful, but since I can't do that, I will tell you on here: you are beautiful!!! Thank you for being here. 🩷
This was so relatable. A few months ago, an exuberant young physical therapist told me how beautiful she thought I was. I went home and cried. I could not recall the last time that ANYONE had told me that I looked beautiful. I couldn’t remember the last time that ANYONE even told me that I looked nice. It was a devastating realization.
When my mother had pancreatic cancer and was on chemo, I had to beg her to eat. Not because of the chemo but because she said, “But I don’t want to be a fatty.” It was the only time I lost my temper with her. The fact we were doing all we could to save her life but she couldn’t get past that deep-rooted, childhood fear of being a “fatty” confounded me and haunted her to the grave.
Oh Jen, this comment gave me chills. This right here is why I am determined to break the cycle. Thank you for sharing this and for being here, it means so much. 🩷
Yesterday I saw two parents at the pool. Fully toned. Tanned. Stretching. Strolling in bikini and shirtless. And I was happy with my imperfect body. My pouch. To have a good laugh with my kids. And to do a victory lap along the water in a bikini, hair down, to grab my sexy Crocs before heading back home.
I'm 68 (almost 69) and my relationship with my body has been punitive until quite recently. I was bulimic in my 20s and became a fitness instructor in my 30s until 61, so I was pretty slim. Having said that, I'd always find fault with some parts of my body. I went to a family bbq yesterday and battled whether to wear shorts or not, as although my legs are OK, my skin is pretty loose now. I thought 'f--k it' and wore the shorts! Now, I focus on eating healthily to fuel my body well, having the cake/wine/anything now and again and being grateful of what my body has supported me through during my lifetime. Interestingly, my 48 year old daughter introduced me to some friends of my granddaughter and they thought we were sisters! My daughter looked a bit peeved, but I loved it 😉 it's taken me years to stop criticising myself; stop right now and enjoy your body. You're beautiful exactly as you are.
Oh Karen, thank you for sharing your story with me!!! I am so inspired by your journey to having a healthier relationship with your body. And I am SO GLAD you said F it and wore the shorts!!!! Thank you so much for being here and for helping me know that I am not alone in this. It means so much. 🩷
I am here with you, Deborah....this made me teary. I wrote about this too. https://rithuwrites.substack.com/p/fresh-squeezed-orange-juice?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=6rq280. I hate photos of myself because all I do is look at everything I am not. It's exhausting. And in today's world photos are so ubiquitous. They're taken anywhere, everywhere, all the time, bad angles, bad lighting, and more often than not, I don't find them flattering to me. I could look at the person I am with who may have their own imperfections, and all I see is their smile, but me, I look at everything that's wrong with me. I don't feel unattractive IRL, but I hate myself in photos and I also feel a bit invisible at this age.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me!! I can't wait to read your article. And yes that is such an important point about photos!!!! They really are the worst because depending on the angle and the lighting and a million other variables, they can either be the best pictures ever or the worst, and I know that feeling all too well of seeing a bad photo and spiraling so fast. I'm sending you so much love, here's to reminding ourselves every single day that we are beautiful and worth so much more than a bad picture. 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you for your honesty here and for the dream that your daughter should not have to endure such self scrutiny. I grew up with a mother I adored who was constantly dieting, and my sister and I were forced to do so as well. Diet pills and Seventeen or Cosmopolitan magazines became my downfall. Comparing myself to all the “skinny” women was the start of binging as a young teenager, which did not leave me until I learned to be happy in college. I spent much of my adult life helping my daughter to see herself with beauty. There was never a scale in our home. We never shopped in stores where she could not buy clothes that supported her body shape. I am profoundly grateful that I broke the cycle with her. You can do it, too.
Oh Candy, this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this with me. I am so, so proud of you for breaking the cycle. Your daughter is beyond blessed to have a mother who did the hard work and said, no more, it's ending with me. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. 🩷🩷🩷
Girl…. Not to mention the crazy programming we have to undo being raised in the 90s and 2000s.
Women with perfectly healthy looking bodies being called “fat” on magazine covers - diet culture promoting frail > fit.
These conversations make a difference.
And on another note: Target dressing room mirrors are just rude. No person, in any body, has business seeing a 360 degree view of themselves in florescent lighting. Like really, who designed that?!?
YES. All of this!!!! And today, the weight-loss shot craze. 🥴 It is definitely an incredibly hard time with social media comparison and skinny being advertised EVERYWHERE, to learn to love and accept your body and really believe that you are worth more than the reflection in the mirror. And hahaha yes, Target fitting rooms are ATROCIOUS. Definitely designed by a man ;)
Deborah, the final release from reaching for the pillow transforms a familiar gesture into the image of an inheritance losing its hold. The pillow, folded arms, fitting-room mirrors, and eight-year-old journal show how body shame becomes a choreography learned before a girl has language for it. By turning toward the child within you, you give the cycle a different ending: visibility without concealment, worth without negotiation, and a body allowed to occupy its own life. Grateful for the courage and precision with which you made one woman’s refusal feel like permission traveling backward and forward through generations.
I do understand how you feel. Let’s all break the destructive cycle. Shopping for clothes, especially pants, has been my least favorite task my entire life. My mom lived on various diet fads all through my childhood, and her insecurities were passed down to me. We have two adult daughters and have worked hard to break that cycle of not being enough. They return those sentiments to me. I also like the Lamott quote that Sam DeCosmo shared.
Oh Tammy, I am so, so proud of you for all of the hard work I am sure you have done to break the cycle and start fresh with your daughters. I am so sorry that you had to struggle through insecurities and a voice in your head that was not your own at the very beginning. I'm sending you so much love. 🩷 And yes, that quote was incredible!!!
Ah Deborah. I hate those dressing room mirrors! Even when I’m feeling my best, I walk into the cubicle, get changed and I can’t help but notice all the flaws.
I had this discomfort in my body image for most of my life so I understand. There was always a pressure in my family to be skinny.
When I reached my forties I decided to stop obsessing and dieting and just eat what my body wanted and I feel so much happier for it and surprisingly my weight isn’t fluctuating any more! When I used to do these extreme diets I would eventually run out of energy and crash so I’d end up eating more than I usually would anyway - and I was miserable.
As women we put alot of pressure on ourselves but it sounds like you are on the right track now. I’m sure there are many women out there who can relate to this article. Thank you for sharing.
Louise, thank you so much for sharing this and for trusting me with your story. 🩷 I am really proud of you for reaching that place where you realized that it just wasn't worth obsessing over anymore. I know that feeling of an extreme diet and crashing out with low energy because I am not fueling myself enough!! I am inspired by your words and feeling so loved and supported, knowing I am not alone in this. Thank you for your kind words!!!
Good for you !!! 💜
I was recently helping my Mom , who is 80yo to get dressed. She held up her arms and said “ look at these fat arms “ or she will comment on her belly.
It made me so teary, that she still felt this way. As a nurse, I would hear similar things from my elderly patients as well.
In Mom’s case , I remind her that those arms held 4 children , 6 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren . I reminder her that those arms prepared countless delicious meals for her family. I reminder her that those arms hugged, carried and cared for countless patients during her years as a nurse . I have 2 daughters myself. I tried to instill in them what you mentioned above . It’s so very hard to do when they are surrounded by social media and a society that places so much value on your looks, possessions and stature.
Thank you for sharing such an important story!! ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful story with me. I spend a lot of time with my 89 year old grandmother and it breaks my heart because she does the same thing, constantly talking about her flaws (and her flabby arms!). I really, really love how you reminded your own mom that those arms have held her beautiful grandchildren for years. And you are so right, how hard it is think differently in a culture that places SO MUCH VALUE on physical appearance. Thank you so much for being here!!! 🩷🩷🩷
I love that you’re talking about this. Being a woman is so hard. Makes me think of one of my favorite Anne Lamott quotes:
“Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written, or you didn't go swimming in those warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen.”
Ooph. That is some powerful quote!
Sam, that quote 😭😭😭 It gave me chills. Thank you for sharing that!!!!! And thank you so much for being here and your kind words of encouragement. I am blown away by the support and stories in the comments and wow, it is always such an incredible feeling knowing that I am not alone in this. 🩷
This whole thing was so familiar for me. Except I had great body image role models. My mom didn’t cover herself up or start getting uncomfortable with her body until I was much older. We moved our bodies, ate mostly what we wanted and didn’t feel guilty about food. For me it started about the same time but only because I noticed that I couldn’t fit into the same kinds of clothes my peers fit into, the same swimsuits. I’ve hated my body for as long as I can remember, even when it was healthy and strong. That being said, I made extra efforts to NOT carry that over to my kids. Daughters. So I forced myself to be in the pictures, don the things, wear the swimsuits, talk about food in a healthy way (no food is inherently bad). It hasn’t been perfect but I’d say I’ve succeeded… for them at least.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me. 🩷 It sounds like you have done such an amazing job breaking the cycle with your own kids, and that is something to be so, so proud of. I especially love that you talk about food in a healthy way, I think that is so important!! Thank you so much for being here friend 🩷🩷
Yep, this article resonates with me & my struggle to love my body. I am also that "60-70 year old woman" you mentioned, coming to you at 66. I also have a daughter, who is 33. I was probably about 8, or younger when my mother & older sister started making comments about me needing to lose some weight. I can still hear my mother commenting on how "trim" my sister looked ( she was 8 years older than me). They worked in tandem to make deals with me to lose weight - buy me something I wanted . . . It didn't work. I wasn't obese, I was "solid" - I was also terribly lonely, being the youngest in the family of 4 kids. So, even when I did lose weight around the time my sister got married & I was 14, my body image was totally fucked up. That image has always been in the back of my mind - that unattractive, fat little sister. I've watched my daughter struggle with the same issues. Even though we were always positive at home & supportive of her, after graduating from HS, she started to struggle with her weight. My mother-in-law didn't help with her comments about other women in the family who had gotten "SO heavy" - somehow the fact that she weighed in at well over 225 lbs didn't seem to be an issue. I stuck up for my daughter & often tried to turn the conversation away from weight " Do you realize how hurtful your comments are?" Only to have it come up again the next time we were together! 🤦♀️ So yeah, I'm 66, menopause has hit hard & the lumpy body that I navigate life with still follows me around. I recently retired from a successful 41 year career as an elementary teacher, I played "Miss Hannigan" in a local community theater production of Annie has fall, my friends call me "BFC" (Betty Fuckin Crocker), I'm strong, creative, & outgoing. But that's not what I see when I look in the mirror - I see the number on the scale & a body that has never had a defined waist. It's a terrible weight to carry through life.
Oh friend, thank you so much for sharing and trusting me with this. 🤍 My heart breaks for you and the comments that you had to hear as an 8 year that you did not deserve and should not have had to hear. 💔 But my heart filled with so much joy when at the end of your comment you started listing all of the incredible things you have accomplished, all of your amazing qualities, and who you are apart from the reflection in the mirror. That is a beautiful thing!!!!! I'm sending you so much love, you are not alone. 🩷
the thing that helped me actually start breaking this off was dancing in front of the mirror. not sexy. like all out, be a kid, no one is watching, silly faces. and shaking my ass! it helped break me out of that npc feeling of “my brain knows better but my body is still living in the hell that is society”. smile at yourself in the mirror too. please, if you try this. report back!
Krissy I love this idea so much!!! I will definitely try and let you know how it goes. 🥹 It's funny how so much of my healing journey has centered around finding that little girl inside of me and honoring her and doing all of the things she would have done. 🩷
that is the key!! honor her AND future you!! you deserve it! 🫶🏻
Thank you for this. It has given me the push to write my story about this - but in a different vein.
Yesterday, I had to go clothes shopping for clothes appropriate for an interview. I haven’t purchased clothes in a physical store since 2020. I dreaded going but knew I had to.
With all the stress and surgeries I have had over the past few years I have gained a lot of weight. Oh, and I went through menopause too, after dealing with PCOS for decades. My hormones have been in upheaval and my body thinks it is doing me a favor by storing fat.
Plus size clothing is hard to come by in my small town. I went to three stores and didn’t find anything for an interview. I am in between a 1x and a 2x and lord help me, I wanted to cry. I finally gave up after finding a few pieces I can wear this summer around the house but still nothing for an interview (that is on Friday).
About six years ago, shortly after buying my last haul of clothing, I realized why I carry this extra weight. It blindsided me and I cried. I was ashamed to think that I allowed circumstance to control my body.
I now feel like I can write about it in full detail. Thanks for the unspoken encouragement. It is time I start to let go of the unnecessary protection I have been carrying for so long.
Oh Corrie Ann, thank you for sharing this with me. I am so, so sorry for all of the stress and the impossibly hard things you have had to face. I am honored that my article gave you the courage to write about what happened to you. I wish I could take you out for coffee and give you a big hug and tell you you are beautiful, but since I can't do that, I will tell you on here: you are beautiful!!! Thank you for being here. 🩷
This was so relatable. A few months ago, an exuberant young physical therapist told me how beautiful she thought I was. I went home and cried. I could not recall the last time that ANYONE had told me that I looked beautiful. I couldn’t remember the last time that ANYONE even told me that I looked nice. It was a devastating realization.
Oh Sam. 😭 You are beautiful. 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
When my mother had pancreatic cancer and was on chemo, I had to beg her to eat. Not because of the chemo but because she said, “But I don’t want to be a fatty.” It was the only time I lost my temper with her. The fact we were doing all we could to save her life but she couldn’t get past that deep-rooted, childhood fear of being a “fatty” confounded me and haunted her to the grave.
Oh Jen, this comment gave me chills. This right here is why I am determined to break the cycle. Thank you for sharing this and for being here, it means so much. 🩷
Hope you’re doing well today, Deborah ❤️
Yesterday I saw two parents at the pool. Fully toned. Tanned. Stretching. Strolling in bikini and shirtless. And I was happy with my imperfect body. My pouch. To have a good laugh with my kids. And to do a victory lap along the water in a bikini, hair down, to grab my sexy Crocs before heading back home.
Jolene this is so beautiful. 🥹🥹🥹 You are an inspiration to me!! Also, I also have a pair of Super Sexy Crocs that I wear to the pool. 😉
Aww thanks! Keep rocking those Crocs 🤩
I'm 68 (almost 69) and my relationship with my body has been punitive until quite recently. I was bulimic in my 20s and became a fitness instructor in my 30s until 61, so I was pretty slim. Having said that, I'd always find fault with some parts of my body. I went to a family bbq yesterday and battled whether to wear shorts or not, as although my legs are OK, my skin is pretty loose now. I thought 'f--k it' and wore the shorts! Now, I focus on eating healthily to fuel my body well, having the cake/wine/anything now and again and being grateful of what my body has supported me through during my lifetime. Interestingly, my 48 year old daughter introduced me to some friends of my granddaughter and they thought we were sisters! My daughter looked a bit peeved, but I loved it 😉 it's taken me years to stop criticising myself; stop right now and enjoy your body. You're beautiful exactly as you are.
Karen
Oh Karen, thank you for sharing your story with me!!! I am so inspired by your journey to having a healthier relationship with your body. And I am SO GLAD you said F it and wore the shorts!!!! Thank you so much for being here and for helping me know that I am not alone in this. It means so much. 🩷
I am here with you, Deborah....this made me teary. I wrote about this too. https://rithuwrites.substack.com/p/fresh-squeezed-orange-juice?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=6rq280. I hate photos of myself because all I do is look at everything I am not. It's exhausting. And in today's world photos are so ubiquitous. They're taken anywhere, everywhere, all the time, bad angles, bad lighting, and more often than not, I don't find them flattering to me. I could look at the person I am with who may have their own imperfections, and all I see is their smile, but me, I look at everything that's wrong with me. I don't feel unattractive IRL, but I hate myself in photos and I also feel a bit invisible at this age.
Thank you so much for sharing this with me!! I can't wait to read your article. And yes that is such an important point about photos!!!! They really are the worst because depending on the angle and the lighting and a million other variables, they can either be the best pictures ever or the worst, and I know that feeling all too well of seeing a bad photo and spiraling so fast. I'm sending you so much love, here's to reminding ourselves every single day that we are beautiful and worth so much more than a bad picture. 🤍🤍🤍
Thank you for your honesty here and for the dream that your daughter should not have to endure such self scrutiny. I grew up with a mother I adored who was constantly dieting, and my sister and I were forced to do so as well. Diet pills and Seventeen or Cosmopolitan magazines became my downfall. Comparing myself to all the “skinny” women was the start of binging as a young teenager, which did not leave me until I learned to be happy in college. I spent much of my adult life helping my daughter to see herself with beauty. There was never a scale in our home. We never shopped in stores where she could not buy clothes that supported her body shape. I am profoundly grateful that I broke the cycle with her. You can do it, too.
Oh Candy, this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this with me. I am so, so proud of you for breaking the cycle. Your daughter is beyond blessed to have a mother who did the hard work and said, no more, it's ending with me. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. 🩷🩷🩷
If we do not support other women, who are we? My pleasure, Deborah!
Girl…. Not to mention the crazy programming we have to undo being raised in the 90s and 2000s.
Women with perfectly healthy looking bodies being called “fat” on magazine covers - diet culture promoting frail > fit.
These conversations make a difference.
And on another note: Target dressing room mirrors are just rude. No person, in any body, has business seeing a 360 degree view of themselves in florescent lighting. Like really, who designed that?!?
🫶🏻❤️
YES. All of this!!!! And today, the weight-loss shot craze. 🥴 It is definitely an incredibly hard time with social media comparison and skinny being advertised EVERYWHERE, to learn to love and accept your body and really believe that you are worth more than the reflection in the mirror. And hahaha yes, Target fitting rooms are ATROCIOUS. Definitely designed by a man ;)
Deborah, the final release from reaching for the pillow transforms a familiar gesture into the image of an inheritance losing its hold. The pillow, folded arms, fitting-room mirrors, and eight-year-old journal show how body shame becomes a choreography learned before a girl has language for it. By turning toward the child within you, you give the cycle a different ending: visibility without concealment, worth without negotiation, and a body allowed to occupy its own life. Grateful for the courage and precision with which you made one woman’s refusal feel like permission traveling backward and forward through generations.
Thank you so much for your kind words!! I hope that sharing my story has inspired just one woman to break the cycle!
I do understand how you feel. Let’s all break the destructive cycle. Shopping for clothes, especially pants, has been my least favorite task my entire life. My mom lived on various diet fads all through my childhood, and her insecurities were passed down to me. We have two adult daughters and have worked hard to break that cycle of not being enough. They return those sentiments to me. I also like the Lamott quote that Sam DeCosmo shared.
Oh Tammy, I am so, so proud of you for all of the hard work I am sure you have done to break the cycle and start fresh with your daughters. I am so sorry that you had to struggle through insecurities and a voice in your head that was not your own at the very beginning. I'm sending you so much love. 🩷 And yes, that quote was incredible!!!
Ah Deborah. I hate those dressing room mirrors! Even when I’m feeling my best, I walk into the cubicle, get changed and I can’t help but notice all the flaws.
I had this discomfort in my body image for most of my life so I understand. There was always a pressure in my family to be skinny.
When I reached my forties I decided to stop obsessing and dieting and just eat what my body wanted and I feel so much happier for it and surprisingly my weight isn’t fluctuating any more! When I used to do these extreme diets I would eventually run out of energy and crash so I’d end up eating more than I usually would anyway - and I was miserable.
As women we put alot of pressure on ourselves but it sounds like you are on the right track now. I’m sure there are many women out there who can relate to this article. Thank you for sharing.
Louise, thank you so much for sharing this and for trusting me with your story. 🩷 I am really proud of you for reaching that place where you realized that it just wasn't worth obsessing over anymore. I know that feeling of an extreme diet and crashing out with low energy because I am not fueling myself enough!! I am inspired by your words and feeling so loved and supported, knowing I am not alone in this. Thank you for your kind words!!!
You are definitely not alone and you are the inspiration for being so brave about sharing this sensitive topic 💗